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motherfucking conditioner
Jan. 29th, 2018 01:19 amso i pretty much loathe showering.
this is not a "i am depressed and thus can't be bothered to keep up appearances" thing; i have pretty much always found showering really damn annoying except in cases where i am extraordinarily hot and sweaty and gross (read: at summer camp).
i'm not a gross person irl, so i do shower regularly, i just regard it as a Really Irritating Chore rather than the ~*~haven of bliss and loveliness and solitude~*~ so many people seem to think it is. (my brother went through a phase in high school where he showered three times a day. i was utterly bamboozled.)
mostly it's just all the extra around the shower i detest—i have long and thick hair, so it takes forever to dry. thus i get three options: (1), i lounge around the house with a towel around my stupid neck for hours until it dries (or just sleep with it wet, the most frequent option). (2), i get out the hair dryer / aggressively towel dry, except active drying can only ever do like 80% of the job, so you still have to wait around if you actually wanted to style it or anything, and also you wasted all that annoying time standing up and blasting your hair from every direction, blah blah blah. or (3), just go out with wet hair anyway, and accept that your hair will be a damp mess all the morning, a frizzy disaster by midday, and around 3pm, maybe you can rake a brush through it to make it not look like total shit. (this is the option i fall back on when i get lazy and procrastinate and don't do a shower at night when i'm supposed to).
anyway, tonight, after procrastinating forever because i was reading a really good book damnit, i finally get up to shower, and this time i get the bright idea of trying a new thing!!! . you see, my hair's looked like shit lately, and so when i went to the hair stylist last week i asked why, and she said "your hair is incredibly dry," and i said AW FUCK THAT'S PROBABLY THE ACCUTANE ISN'T IT, and i felt like a total dope for not figuring it out before. but, for the record, i still have only the haziest idea of the difference between "dry" and "not-dry" hair, other than "one sure tangles and frizzes a lot more"; she could tell it by touch alone and just, how, what wizardry.
anyway, the stylist recommended some conditioner to me, which i regarded with suspicion because my mom was a total dragon about conditioner growing up. it was like, okay if you start smoking tobacco or something i'll be upset but we'll get past it, but GOD FORBID you use any of that CONDITIONER or DETANGLER shit from any of those COMMERCIALS, NOT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. (i suspect she had some traumatic incident in her past with poisonous conditioner or something. there is no other possible explanation for that level of enmity.)
"won't that make my hair really oily?" i asked.
the stylist rolled her eyes. "that's the point. your hair is too dry. try it."
( this was ill-planned )
this is not a "i am depressed and thus can't be bothered to keep up appearances" thing; i have pretty much always found showering really damn annoying except in cases where i am extraordinarily hot and sweaty and gross (read: at summer camp).
i'm not a gross person irl, so i do shower regularly, i just regard it as a Really Irritating Chore rather than the ~*~haven of bliss and loveliness and solitude~*~ so many people seem to think it is. (my brother went through a phase in high school where he showered three times a day. i was utterly bamboozled.)
mostly it's just all the extra around the shower i detest—i have long and thick hair, so it takes forever to dry. thus i get three options: (1), i lounge around the house with a towel around my stupid neck for hours until it dries (or just sleep with it wet, the most frequent option). (2), i get out the hair dryer / aggressively towel dry, except active drying can only ever do like 80% of the job, so you still have to wait around if you actually wanted to style it or anything, and also you wasted all that annoying time standing up and blasting your hair from every direction, blah blah blah. or (3), just go out with wet hair anyway, and accept that your hair will be a damp mess all the morning, a frizzy disaster by midday, and around 3pm, maybe you can rake a brush through it to make it not look like total shit. (this is the option i fall back on when i get lazy and procrastinate and don't do a shower at night when i'm supposed to).
anyway, tonight, after procrastinating forever because i was reading a really good book damnit, i finally get up to shower, and this time i get the bright idea of trying a new thing!!! . you see, my hair's looked like shit lately, and so when i went to the hair stylist last week i asked why, and she said "your hair is incredibly dry," and i said AW FUCK THAT'S PROBABLY THE ACCUTANE ISN'T IT, and i felt like a total dope for not figuring it out before. but, for the record, i still have only the haziest idea of the difference between "dry" and "not-dry" hair, other than "one sure tangles and frizzes a lot more"; she could tell it by touch alone and just, how, what wizardry.
anyway, the stylist recommended some conditioner to me, which i regarded with suspicion because my mom was a total dragon about conditioner growing up. it was like, okay if you start smoking tobacco or something i'll be upset but we'll get past it, but GOD FORBID you use any of that CONDITIONER or DETANGLER shit from any of those COMMERCIALS, NOT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. (i suspect she had some traumatic incident in her past with poisonous conditioner or something. there is no other possible explanation for that level of enmity.)
"won't that make my hair really oily?" i asked.
the stylist rolled her eyes. "that's the point. your hair is too dry. try it."
( this was ill-planned )
