Recipe for Lua's Lazy-Ass Stir Fried Stuff

Ingredients:

• that green pepper you got at the farmer's market earlier this week
• a bunch of those mini-onion things you also got at the farmer's market because they looked cute (seriously never saw mini-onions before then they're like fun size)
• two tomatoes. wait why did you buy tomatoes you don't even like tomatoes that much OH WELL
• minute rice (holy shit, did you know they make rice that cooks in a minute?! goddamn this will be some delicious shit this was such a revelation)
• chicken breast
• soy sauce
• teriyaki sauce
• that giant-ass jar of cajun seasoning that you use on literally everything ever because everything is better with cajun spiciness
• two eggs
• oh shit you have like a bunch of green onions that are probably going bad in the fridge better throw those in
• baby carrots, swiped from a nearby college dining hall, because you forgot to actually buy them

Chop up that green pepper, those mini onions, and those carrots. Are you supposed to peel the weird brown skin off those mini onions? Dude that sounds like a fucking pain, just chop them. (Conveniently most of the brown skin seems to fall away as you chop anyway. Double-win!) Also the carrots are a fucking bitch to chop and your knife sucks; swear a lot to lessen the suffering. Also, chop up the chicken breast. Holy damn chicken breast is some oily shit, give up and grab some goddamn giant scissors to chop that shit up with. Wash your hands off because they feel icky. Oh shit, wasn't I supposed to rinse those vegetables before chopping them? I think I remember hearing you were supposed to do that. OH WELL IT PROBABLY WON'T KILL ME AMIRITE

( i are real adult i make real food )