s'weird, a lot of the same themes that are extremely common in the circles of caregivers and family of mentally ill/disabled/elderly folks and the shit that happens there too - but with the seductive sheen filed off, as it's a Ugly But Mundane Problem with the same inherent disgusting power imbalances (mixed with weird guilts and deeply unhealthy familial loyalties to abusers that tends to grow like mold in those dynamics.)
comparing that with the Atlantic article isn't the same of course, since in Eudocia's case there's the additional wrinkle about being across goddamn oceans and being explicitly denied from her family, among other things - but ... it was close enough that it creeped me the hell out. Same lesser-evil choices purely made on survival, shutting down any kind of selfish needs and embodying passivity as a type of emotional survival, the whole nine yards. 'you owe us your loyalty and silence since you're such a dead-weight on me' type of arguments, etc.*
( this post on the erosion of choice when it's always been made by other people and how that can quietly destroy a person over time - (http://gatheringbones.tumblr.com/post/142585042445) - makes me think hardcore back on this. (the linked post is based on fandom meta enough that the change in subject might be jarring, but ... it says things well.)
on a different tangent - the Filipino responses to the article are worth a read too, ngl. it's a different enough hot take that sheds more (realistic) light on this kind of an institutional problem - enough that it does give me hope more folks will react in a positive way.
still. yeah. hard not to bristle at a lot of things in that article, however well-meaning the writer was.
*(since it's a private blog, and i trust y'all, I feel the need to put the disclaimer in that this isn't exactly 'personal' as 'it happened to me' but it's definitely in the camp of 'yeah that could've reeeal easily been me/because i've seen the shit happen', etc.)
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Date: 2017-05-23 01:09 am (UTC)s'weird, a lot of the same themes that are extremely common in the circles of caregivers and family of mentally ill/disabled/elderly folks and the shit that happens there too - but with the seductive sheen filed off, as it's a Ugly But Mundane Problem with the same inherent disgusting power imbalances (mixed with weird guilts and deeply unhealthy familial loyalties to abusers that tends to grow like mold in those dynamics.)
comparing that with the Atlantic article isn't the same of course, since in Eudocia's case there's the additional wrinkle about being across goddamn oceans and being explicitly denied from her family, among other things - but ... it was close enough that it creeped me the hell out. Same lesser-evil choices purely made on survival, shutting down any kind of selfish needs and embodying passivity as a type of emotional survival, the whole nine yards. 'you owe us your loyalty and silence since you're such a dead-weight on me' type of arguments, etc.*
( this post on the erosion of choice when it's always been made by other people and how that can quietly destroy a person over time - (http://gatheringbones.tumblr.com/post/142585042445) - makes me think hardcore back on this. (the linked post is based on fandom meta enough that the change in subject might be jarring, but ... it says things well.)
on a different tangent - the Filipino responses to the article are worth a read too, ngl. it's a different enough hot take that sheds more (realistic) light on this kind of an institutional problem - enough that it does give me hope more folks will react in a positive way.
still. yeah. hard not to bristle at a lot of things in that article, however well-meaning the writer was.
*(since it's a private blog, and i trust y'all, I feel the need to put the disclaimer in that this isn't exactly 'personal' as 'it happened to me' but it's definitely in the camp of 'yeah that could've reeeal easily been me/because i've seen the shit happen', etc.)