recognito: (bird)
recognito ([personal profile] recognito) wrote2025-09-18 06:22 pm
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month for suffering

High stress last few weeks, for reasons definitely preventable but I'm still irked about them anyway in a deserving way, in my opinion!! This post has an unexpected theming on autobiographical works... well no. Some autobiography, some identity themed books... you know, let's just say I was keeping busy, book-wise. 

One! Hundred! Demons!, Barry )My Death, Tuttle )

 

Birthgrave Trilogy, Lee )

 

 

Silver Metal Lover, Lee )

 

 

The Dry Season, Febos )

 


firstroad: (pic#17459037)
firstroad ([personal profile] firstroad) wrote2025-09-18 10:03 pm
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Recent Reads

Call Me Ishmaelle by Xiaolu Guo (Fiction, 2025)

A retelling of Moby Dick, but genderbent.

I have not read Moby Dick (not counting excerpts), so I thought it'd be good to go for this first -- I'd get all the enjoyment of women without any of the annoyance that retellings usually bring, and I thought Guo writing in her second language, having experienced life in a non-Anglophone country, could bring a lot of shiny new unique elements to the story...

...And she did not. HEARTBROKEN. Poking around reviews it seems like she removed a lot of the biblical references of the original, but what "replaced" them (I guess) in this version, the I-Ching, was not sufficiently integrated. At least not enough for me to buy it. I also don't feel like she did anything with... the female main character being... a woman? Beyond the expected assault scene, wowwww, nobody could've seen this coming, everybody clap. Also it was boring on a sentence level. Just a bore all around.


The Charmed Wife by Olga Grushin (Fiction, 2021)

Cinderella retelling, except it takes place 13 years after she marries Prince Charming.

A more successful retelling than Call Me Ishmaelle, I think. Hilariously, also by an author who seems to be writing in her second (third?) language... I did not pick them both on purpose, but it's fun to see. This one is simply more fun to read despite the much more hackneyed subject matter (marriage troubles), the SENTENCES are FUN, it's more successful in creating the characters and showing us this Cinderella's relationship to them.

There's a major twist two-thirds of the way through, which, coupled with the non-linear presentation of the first half, and the switches to an omniscient narrator, made me feel like it was taking on too much, stylistically. At least the omniscient narrator gave me lesbian mice? That made me laugh. I was hoping for some murder. :(


Silas Marner by George Eliot (Fiction, 1861)

Local miser discovers the accidental baby acquisition trope. Also, the industrial revolution and Napoleonic wars have been happening somewhere in the background.

Picked this up because of [personal profile] meikuree... Reading it was just such a lovely experience!! Honestly, I think a lot of my interest came from seeing early 19th century England attitudes and social norms and also just the general working of society then (tenant farmers depending on landlords to cull certain animals because they were protected by law was news to me!) and also of course Eliot's prose, and also I found mr Silas Marner himself to be hilarious pre-Eppie. I felt bad for him, but also, wow, that is one miserable man (in a way that's funny). Had sooooooooooo much fun with all the class elements that were stated outright (small side whinge, it feels like a lot of contemporary lit sweeps them under the rug or loves making generalisations instead) and how the dominant class, or rather what defined the dominant class, was changing, and also had sooooo much fun with religion/its movements/how it is used for cover/its role in community-building or -breaking. I was obviously not expecting a #YaySecularism novel from something published in 1861, but it came very close to being that anyway.

Also, it is CUTE. It's ADORABLE. I've found that I do not mind fictional children so much when 1) they are given to men, who do not have the carry the social expectations/demands around child-rearing the way women do, or 2) we mostly see the parent-child relationship after the child enters their 30s (not applicable to this, but it was a recent-ish discovery for me).

I have a lot of thoughts around Silas' affection for his money in the first half of the novel (how it ties him to the community, its relationship to his loneliness and how it perhaps alleviates it, the fact that it's not presented as some kind of insatiable greed) but no good way to articulate them at the time ;~;

Why did his mind fly uneasily to that void, as if it were the sole reason why life was not thoroughly joyous to him? I suppose it is the way with all men and women who reach middle age without the clear perception that life never can be thoroughly joyous: under the vague dullness of the grey hours, dissatisfaction seeks a definite object, and finds it in the privation of an untried good.


Transformations by Anne Sexton, illustrated by Barbara Swan (Poetry, 1971)

A genuinely lovely collection centred around fairytales. Every single time a poem started I was like, where are we going with this? And by the end of every single poem I was like, ohhhh OHHHH OHHHHHHHHHHH. She has a light touch -- I thought we were going down the same path as the fairytales, and we were, but she made sure I saw them all in a new light by the end. I really enjoyed this!


Flèche by Mary Jean Chan (Poetry, 2019)

Chan competed in fencing, a technique of which is used for the title, and from the back of the book: This cross-linguistic pun presents the queer, non-white body as both vulnerable ('flesh') and weaponised ('flèche'), and evokes the difficulties of reconciling one's need for safety alongside the desire to shed one's protective armour in order to fully embrace the world.

Firstly, hilarious to use the word 'body' when you want to talk about people vulnerable and weaponised, but I have an issue with the usage of the word even in academic texts, so, whatever, moving on. Secondly... this is not very good poetry. Credit where credit's due: it's cohesive. It knows its theme, it knows its progression, as a whole I can see how it came together; it is simply not enough. Each individual poem is weak. Frankly, it feels like it's only a collection of poetry because she couldn't create a good enough novel in fragments.

The same uniform for twelve years. A white skirt, blue collar, blue belt, blue hem. A dark, no-nonsense kind of blue. White as snowfall in Eden. You washed it every single day, made sure you ate in small bites, always wore an extra pad so none of the blood could seep through. You began wearing that dress at the age of six, your skin haunted by the British flag, so you could be Chinese with English characteristics. Each time you wore it, you shut your body up. Some girls wore theirs short, discoloured, tight. Head Girl, you reported them to the Office of the Headmistress for inappropriate behaviour, kept your dress at just the right length. Most mornings you see the face of a boy in the mirror. You expect to fall in love with him. Meanwhile, your fingers brush the wrist of another girl as you jostle into the assembly hall, and you understand that sin was never meant to be easy, only sweet. What memory might light up the pond you sat beside in dreams, eyeing so much depth it would be years before you dared? What curvature of tongue might you taste, as if another’s breath were blessing? One night, you find yourself kneeling beside the pond. You dream. A voice says: Hell is not other people. You slip into the blue water, stripped of the glowing dress you wore for thousands of days.


See, I thought the Chinese with English characteristics line was both pretty funny and sharp when viewed in the context of the student uniform, with the expectations (political or otherwise) of students in the greater region of China and with HK's British-colony past. It was good! I could write several paragraphs on it! But it's part of a poem that is mediocre at best and makes sure that any and all references get italicised, lest there are readers who, what, don't recognise them? They're not particularly esoteric, be serious.The rest of it is just like... obvious and graceless. There's no other line that allows itself to breathe or offers enough ambiguity to make the reader think, and on top of that the tonality is just ugly. I use this poem as an example because it had a part I genuinely liked (unlike, um, most of the rest of the collection), but, while the other poems usually at least remember to use more devices (gasp! even some enjambment!), they're even worse. To me. Half-formed images, poems cut off before their logical stopping point, poems that mistake confession for artistry, largely heavy-handed poems etc etc.

Beyond the technical aspects, I thought it unimaginative. Yeah, yeah, it's seeking to find the definition of oneself and how it gets formed by internal nature coming up against other people, yeah, blah blah, but the meaning was shallow, at times reaching for cheap lines that'll allow it to be ~feelgood, while still being politically incurious and overly accepting beyond the surface of 'but isn't this thing bad 🥺'.

An odourless room is not necessarily without trauma. We must interrogate the walls. My skin is yellow because it must. Love is kind because it must. Admit it, aloud.


Like are we for realsies. Why dive deeper into the concept of materials being keepers of memories, how perpetrators are often never found, the manufacturing of race and racist lies, and the consequences of secrets, when we can dance around those topics by writing primary-school-level sentences and going 'but love is kind 🥺' . It must? Says who? Is the expression of love always kind? Unfair to compare it to a far more famous poem, but it brought to mind Moore's Paper Nautilus and its ending of "love / is the only fortress / strong enough to trust to." -- which has a similar sentiment in, I guess, kneeling before the concept of love and expecting it to work and more specifically protect and/or save, but that one works because, on top of forming a clear image, it's an ethical assertion that comes from the poet (after an already strong work) and not some nebulous cosmic 'but it must 🥺 because it's love 🥺'.

Stopping here before I start whining about the entire collection. It's undercooked.


When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb (YA Fantasy, 2022)

Uriel and Little Ash are the only two supernatural creatures in their shtetl and they go looking for a young person after she goes missing.

This is a very cute very Jewish historical fantasy YA... but, uhm, I'll be honest, it's "YA" in the sense that this seems to be the marketing category that gets used for teens, and this IS technically for teens... if said teen is 13 years old. Despite the setting and some of the things discussed, the expected maturity of its audience was lower than that of some actual children's lit I've read. This is not a negative, exactly -- I just wish I had managed my expectations accordingly.

It was overall quite competent! And cute! I think that I'm unfortunately lacking the quirky gene. I'm never charmed by odd protagonists! I don't find the quirkiness + tenderness combo sweet, I find it tiring and repetitive. If I disregard that aspect of the story, then I did generally enjoy myself, although it felt like the vast majority of the book was crammed in the last 10% of it... It just didn't have enough meat on its bones for the more philosophical questions it was trying to explore, owing to that expectation of a low-maturity audience. 🙁

This did not affect my enjoyment in any way, but there were a few sections of comparison that talked about Christian demons etc etc and it's like, look, if I wanted to know about Christian demons I would be picking up a book about Christian demons. I picked you up for a reason!


Strange Weather in Tokyo by Hiromi Kawakami, translated by Allison Markin Powell, Shi Xiaowei, and Zhang Lefeng (Fiction, 2001/2006/2017)

Tsukiko comes across her highschool Japanese class teacher and they grow closer.

Picked this up because of [personal profile] queenlua's review, expecting not to like it much (I'm predisposed to disliking stories that feature relationships between younger women and older men), only to discover that 1) its warmth and charm won me over, 2) I ALREADY OWNED THIS. Except I owned it in Chinese. And I did not make the connection between the titles (CN title is 'Teacher's Briefcase') and, well, I just did not know what the Japanese reading of 川上弘美 was, so I didn't make the connection between the authors either. I only found out because of online booktracker apps... belatedly... so now I have two copies. I'm being punished for letting my cn books languish 😔 But anyway evidently past me saw something in this and I should've trusted past me, even if that something (I suspect) was the easy language used and the fact that I didn't need to be able to pick up on smaller things such as prosody in order to enjoy it.

Ok. Back to the warmth and charm: there was a focus on small, intimate moments and gestures, stated so plainly, so matter-of-fact-ly, that you kind of have to go along with Tsukiko's experience? Not even as a matter of, empathising or sympathising: I just got swept up in Tsukiko's view of each moment, even if my own personal feelings, outside of the moment, would be the equivalent of "what are you talking about??????" In one of the early chapters they browse through a market and Sensei gets two chicks and I WAS SO OFFENDED ON THE CHICKENS' BEHALF... They called them ugly :( which is so rude!!! Chickens are super cute!!!!!!!!!!!

I am always won over by two lonely people finding each other... I always find it very cute, and sweet, and mostly I end up happy for them... and Tsukiko's view of everything was just sooooooooooo cutieful.

I think this quote encapsulates a big part of what the novel is/is trying to be (adding both translations, since I have them both... lol...):

When I tried to think whom I spent time with before I became friendly with Sensei, no one came to mind.

I had been alone. I rode the bus alone, I walked around the city alone, I did my shopping alone, and I drank alone. And even when I was with Sensei now, I didn’t feel any different from when I did these things on my own. It seemed, then, that it didn’t really matter whether or not I was with Sensei, but the truth was, doing these things with him made me feel proper. “Proper” is perhaps a strange way to put it. It was more like the way I felt about leaving on the obi, the extra band that sometimes came with a dust jacket, after I had bought a book, rather than throwing it away. Sensei would probably be angry if he knew I was comparing him to the band on a dust jacket.


那么在与老师接近之前,又是和谁在一起的呢?我寻思着,却总也想不起来。

是独自一人。独自一人乘公共汽车,独自一人行走在街头,独自一人购物,独自一人喝酒。与老师一起的时候也与从前独来独往时一样,心绪毫无变化。既然如此,似乎不必非与老师在一起,然而,却觉得在一起的时候似乎更为正常。说正常,其实也挺奇妙。也许不妨说,这种心情就好像不把新买的书的腰封取下,而是存放起来。如果知道将他比作书籍的腰封,老师也许会发怒吧。


What I didn't much like is how Sensei's tales of his ex-wife sounded... I understand that this is a man in his 70s (or about to turn 70? Sorry, I forget) but he felt stuck in his ways on a level I couldn't always ignore, even if I put as much effort as possible in doing so. I also skimmed the food descriptions, which were, objectively, a big part of how the book attempted to bring some kind of sensuous illustration of its world to the readers, but I'm sorry there are very few things I hate more than food descriptions... So I can't judge if it succeeded or not.

OH. Also! Since I could compare, the Chinese translation came across as far more lively to me. From poking around online, the English one seems to have made more interesting and faithful choices (love the choice to name Sensei "Sensei", since the Japanese text wasn't using the kanji), but I liked it less.

“什么巨人队,是他妈的浑蛋!”

我说着,将老师斟的酒一滴不剩地泼在空盘子里。

“浑蛋之类,哪里是妙龄女郎该说的话呢?”

老师用稳重镇定的声音回答。腰板比平素挺得更直,喝干了杯里的酒。

“什么妙龄女郎!我可不是。”

“那我可失礼了。”


“The Giants, they’re all fuckers,” I said, spilling the entire cup of saké that Sensei had poured me onto an empty plate.

“‘Fuckers’?! Such language from a young lady!” Sensei replied, having regained his perfect composure. He stood up even straighter than usual and drained his cup.

“I am not a young lady.”

“Pardon me.”


I wonder why the change in punctuation...


The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch (Fiction, 1978)

Charles Arrowby retires on the edge of a coast.

Soooooooooooo many things to say about this one, but I also feel stumped. I guess WRT my own feelings, I expected to absolutely adore this, because of many factors but the most copy-able of them is the NYRB review that said "she seems to have cast art [..] as pure villain", which, among self-deception, jealousy, and self-absorption, is a theme I am extremely interested in. In reality... I enjoyed it. I liked it! I had a fun time! It made me think and gasp and highlight passages, and offered many angles to analyse it from, and it can take on a new shape depending on how you look at it, all of which are things I deeply appreciate in any work. It's just that for large swaths of it, I had no idea what I was feeling. So much meandering, and then suddenly SO MANY THINGS HAPPEN, and before you can even register Thing 1 you have to move onto Thing 30, especially between the 75% and 85% mark. And then we go right back to meandering. I think this might be a novel that works better for me on reread than initial read (and I am in fact eager to reread it).

‘You were so right not to publish your plays, they were nothing, nothing, froth, but at least they didn’t pretend to be anything else. Now you’re offended, vanity, vanity. Yes, I hate the theatre.’ Perry meant the London West End theatre. ‘Lies, lies, almost all art is lies. Hell itself it turns to favour and to prettiness. Muck. Real suffering is – is – Christ, I’m drunk – it’s so – different. Oh Charles, if you could see my native city – And that spitting bitch – How can human beings live like that, how can they do it to each other? If we could only keep our mouths shut. Drama, tragedy, belong to the stage, not to life, that’s the trouble. It’s the soul that’s missing. All art disfigures life, misrepresents it, theatre most of all because it seems so like, you see real walking and talking people. God! How is it when you turn on the radio you can always tell if it’s an actor talking? It’s the vulgarity, the vulgarity, the theatre is the temple of vulgarity.


I'll just link the NYRB review because I think it does a terrific job of distilling the book to its essentials and explains the elements that make it great and I fully agree with it. I see the hype for the book and I understand it and it easily withstood the test of time (artistically, if not wholly politically) and I don't want to be less generous than it deserves. Even now, as the days pass, the longer it's been since I finished it the more fondly I think of it.

I did like how moral it is, by which I mean that the values espoused by Charles are clear, and the dimension of morality is part of its worldbuilding -- thank u Brandon Taylor for the "moral worldbuilding" phrasing, something I always want for books to have and IMO they feel aimless at best and hypocritical at worst when they don't -- even if the vast majority of those values is antithetical to taking any good actions. There was also the constant question of, how will we, the readers, judge Charles, at what point do you judge, especially when the length and sequence of events is so distorted, and what does that point say about you, etc.

Frankly I think part of what caused my (minor) disappointment was that art is not villainous ENOUGH in this. Its comparisons are used to elucidate as much as they are used to obfuscate.

Hartley made a permanent metaphysical crisis of my life by refusing me for moral reasons. Did this lead me to make immorality my mask? Such pompous speculations are of course a kind of nonsense and I surprise myself by writing them down. What were Hartley’s ‘reasons’? I shall never know. It is possible that some demonic sense of a surrender of innocence entered into my affair with Clement, as if I were saying to Hartley: You did not trust me. Well, I will show you, now and forever after, how right you were! Perhaps all my love affairs have been vicious attempts to show Hartley that she was right after all. But she was only right because she left me.


Collected Poems by C.P. Cavafy, translated by Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard (Poetry, 1934/1992)

The TLS had a review of his collected poetry and a new(?) biography in the last issue which I cannot read because I am not a subscriber... so I went and reread his poems :] When I am dragging undercooked poetry I could never include YOUR undercooked poetry, my dear Cavafy... which, okay, to be fair, is a very small percentage of his overall poetry. Sometimes the hype is to be believed!!!!!!!

Copying from W. H. Auden:
What, then, is it in Cavafy’s poems that survives translation and excites? Something I can only call, most inadequately, a tone of voice, a personal speech. I have read translations of Cavafy made by many different hands, but every one of them was immediately recognizable as a poem by Cavafy; nobody else could possibly have written it. Reading any poem of his, I feel: “This reveals a person with a unique perspective on the world.”


And copying the poem that I've learnt by heart simply by having read it so many times:

You said: “I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried like something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”

You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will always pursue you.
You’ll walk the same streets, grow old
in the same neighborhoods, turn gray in these same houses.
You’ll always end up in this city. Don’t hope for things elsewhere:
there’s no ship for you, there’s no road.
Now that you’ve wasted your life here, in this small corner,
you’ve destroyed it everywhere in the world.


Have YOU tried to escape the consequences of your own actions today? :D Have YOU stared down your inevitable defeat in the race against your own life today? :D :D


These Letters End in Tears by Musih Tedji Xaviere (Fiction, 2024)

Bassem and Fatima have a relationship, Fatima disappears, Bassem writes letters to her for years on end and kind-of investigates her disappearance.

I'm not... sure who the target audience for this book is. In the sense that, it explains things about Cameroon and its history and current social order which the Cameroonian audience would already know, and then it turns around and explains ideas around and about homosexuality which the Five-Eyes anglophone audience has mostly accepted. It's just a very explain-y book!

To its credit, it made me buy Bassem's feelings for Fati, which is usually the biggest hurdle in any book with romance in it. I liked seeing open attraction to masculinity in women. I liked their interfaith relationship and how this approached both the good and bad sides to Islam.

There's this part halfway through the book, after Bassem is trying to start a new relationship, and her date from the Francophone parts of the country is trying to somewhat clumsily explain what she does for a living in English, and after some misunderstandings and clarifications Bassem goes like, "oh, you're a pimp! I was relieved she wasn't a sex worker" (it was a library copy and I didn't save the exact quote, RIP) and I just about died?? On what earth is your lover being a pimp preferrable to them being a sex worker. I have so many questions.


The Unwomanly Face of War: An Oral History of Women in World War II by Svetlana Alexievich, translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (Fiction, 1983/2017)

I don't have much to say about this. It was interesting, I liked seeing the perspectives even though they weren't offering anything particularly groundbreaking for me, and also this is NOT oral history. Alexievich herself has referred to her work as a novel in voices and creatively edits the material from the interviews she conducts. Not sure why it keeps being called nonfiction.


To the Warm Horizon by Choi Jin-young, translated by Soje (Fiction, 2017/2021)

An outbreak makes this a post-apocalyptic novel. Dori and her Deaf-mute sister, Joy, have fled Korea for Russia, where they meet Jina and her extended family. There are some other characters, I guess.

Not a big fan :( which sucks, because, hello, post-apocalyptic novel that mostly focuses on studying people AND has a central lesbian relationship?! I should've been all over it! While I think that the sisterly relationship between Dori and Joy was successful and I really liked seeing a promiment disabled character in an end-of-the-world setting, everything else just kind of did nothing. I learnt nothing new about humans or their thought processes or how they can come to understand or distrust each other. I did not buy half the events within the story, even though they ARE very plausible. It takes talent to make me distrust things that absolutely would happen!


Necessary Fiction by Eloghosa Osunde (Fiction, 2025)

Cross-generational portrait of queer life in Lagos.

Calling this a novel is a bit of a reach, IMO. These are, like, vaguely connected stories, some of which are interesting (I liked it when things were centred on Awele, Yemisi, and Isoken) and some which are... not (the rest), although nominally they all are, it's not a book that chickens out of depicting various forms of relationships.

I can honestly compliment 1) that it didn't try to explain itself, linguistically or culturally, 2) some of its ideas, especially around the concepts of hiding, masking, secrets, bravery, but the whole thing just needed more time in the oven. Even the opening story, which has been published separately in The Paris Review, is clumsy. Like, on a sentence/paragraph level. I get what it's trying to say, I like it, but the way it's conveyed falls way below what the author's actual capabilities are.


Feral and Hysterical: Mother Horror’s Ultimate Reading Guide to Dark and Disturbing Fiction by Women by Sadie Hartmann (Non-fiction, 2025)

I had no idea there were books that recommended other books... which is pretty cool! I liked seeing all the separate categories. Some nonbinary authors are included, but, hey, apparently they consented, so who am I to say anything.

There are essays interspersed, but, dear god, THEY'RE SO BAD. Alexis Henderson at least, like, tries to grasp something:

I think these criticisms and the defenses of books that often follow can all be boiled down to a simple question: What is a feminist novel?

It’s an interesting question, but what I find more compelling are the books that sit at the center of this discourse because, in my experience, these books are typically authored by women. Men, I’ve noticed, are very noticeably absent from these discussions. Even when men write compelling narratives centering on women, stories that grapple with feminist themes, I notice that their books are very rarely examined with the same rigor.

I want to be clear: This is not the same as saying that men’s books aren’t deemed misogynistic. That’s not true at all. If you spend even a little time online in bookish spaces, you’ll find a number of novels authored by men that have been labeled sexist, reductive, or otherwise offensive. The Bechdel test is very often applied to the work of male writers to assess how “feminist” they are or are not. But, in my experience, the tone is different. It’s almost as though men are not expected to write feminist novels, so when they fall short of the label (even when they’re not intending to) the response is different, somehow muted. Their own shortcomings aren’t weighed against them as heavily in what seems to be a kind of shoulder-shrugging, “boys will be boys” response.


Which is not, like, especially riveting, but it doesn't have to be. It points out realities that the reader first getting familiarised with horror authored by women might be unaware of. But everything else, and I do mean literally every other essay, is just painful to get through. They're high-school level with high-school level insights. I might be giving them a compliment by calling them that, even.

The vast majority of the books have been published in the last five years, which, boo, but understandable. There was a good variety of imprints (though I hoped for more indie presses and more translated work). At some point Hartmann says "I discovered this novel in my research for this list. After reading it, I hesitated to include it because of the graphic and explicit sex and violence," which took me out. Isn't this the dark and disturbing fiction list?!

I had at least heard of a great many of the titles, but it did give me some recs. If I'd spent money on it, I'd be pretty mad, but as it stands I'm glad to add a few books to the endless TBR.


The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater (YA Fantasy, 2012)

Is there anyone left who doesn't know what these books are about... One of the soon-to-be-dead speaks to Blue. Blue avoids him and his friends, until she doesn't. There are Welsh kings.

Re-read because of the graphic novel's release! Despite it being YA, it holds up well!!! I enjoyed myself immensely. The problem here is, after re-reading, my already "meh" opinion of the graphic novel went even further down. WHYYYY would you remove scenes like THIS one:

Gansey despised raising his voice (in his head, his mother said, People shout when they don’t have the vocabulary to whisper), but he heard it happening despite himself and so, with effort, he kept his voice even. “Not like this. At least you have a place to go. ‘End of the world’ … What is your problem, Adam? I mean, is there something about my place that’s too repugnant for you to imagine living there? Why is it that everything kind I do is pity to you? Everything is charity. Well, here it is: I’m sick of tiptoeing around your principles.”

“God, I’m sick of your condescension, Gansey,” Adam said. “Don’t try to make me feel stupid. Who whips out repugnant? Don’t pretend you’re not trying to make me feel stupid.”

“This is the way I talk. I’m sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. He was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive.”


THEY'RE WHAT MAKE THIS BOOK GOOD. The plot is nothing too wild, all in all it's even predictable, but the characters absolutely deserve all the love they've received. They act like real human beings! It's so much fun!!!!

Blue very much feels like the protagonist in this one in a way that felt jarring when I'd first continued the series, but overall I think this being an ensemble works in the books' favour. Blowing kisses to them.


Booker prize blah blah that turns into Milkman by Anna Burns blah blah

The longlist this year is just so... bland. Unfair of me to say, I haven't read any of the books, but I started laughing out loud when it got announced and pretty much followed the exact formula various people have discussed (how many books by which presses will appear, overlap with which other prizes, re-appearance of past winners or shortlisted authors, etc), so I might as well take this opportunity to throw in my predictions:

Endling will win. Shortlist will be, hmm, Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny (pretty much set in stone), Universality (because the judges feel bad for overlooking Assembly), Audition (seems like a genuinely good experimental book), The Land in Winter (idk, it won the Walter Scott prize, seems likely), and, I think they'll want another male author here, so I'll throw in Seascraper. Okay I think Flesh is more likely but it looks boring TO ME so I'm not adding it.

I was trying to get over my annoyance, so I went back to a Booker winner that I thought deserved its win and deserves 500 more wins and the prize is not as much of a joke as I think (well, it IS, but for more serious reasons than predictability and blandness, and much more eloquent people have discussed those), and that is the beautifullest loveliest bestest Milkman... It's just SO good. In SO many ways. Firstly, it has one of the best opening sentences I've seen:

The day Somebody McSomebody put a gun to my breast and called me a cat and threatened to shoot me was the same day the milkman died.


The setting! The psychological profile! The hindsight! It's, IMO, unparalleled in its ability to capture the unease someone feels against a person who, in the eyes of most of society if not also the law, hasn't done anything, but is clearly a sexual predator. And it does so while creating characters with their own, very noticeable, voices, and is VERY fun and entertaining and even amusing at times and also very obvious in its setting and how that time+place (Ireland during The Troubles) shaped attitudes, and not just towards coercion and enfeeblement. There's such technical mastery over characters, prose, thematic depth, setting, and the synthesis of the above.

It's such a joy to reread it.
proustbot: (Mascara)
proustbot ([personal profile] proustbot) wrote2025-09-18 12:07 pm
Entry tags:

scabbing at the consent factory

Today I made meatballs from a Melissa Clark recipe. Weirdly intense for Clark, I thought as I tried them.

Then I realized that I had grabbed the wrong meat from my fridge, and instead of using the correct ground beef, I'd used pre-seasoned Italian sausage instead. That would explain the weird salt levels! Sorry for doubting you, Melissa Clark.

The Naked Gun (2025) -- The perfect intersection of ZAZ nostalgia and Akiva Schaffer's sensibilities. The bit with the snowman is truly genius.

I was also pleased by how much time and comedic material the film offers Pamela Anderson, who is fantastic. (The one strike against Schaffer's first film, HOT ROD, is its obvious boredom with Isla Fisher's Girl Character, and it is nice to see so much directorial character growth in the intervening eighteen years.)

Victoria Holt, Bride of Pendorric (1963) -- A penniless girl has a whirlwind courtship and marriage to a charming rake. He brings her home to Cornwall and his crumbling family estate, which is reputedly haunted by the ghost of his mother.

I found this title while hunting through the digital audiobooks offered by my library system, and I thought, Yes, this is just the ticket for when I run out of podcasts but need to disassociate while doing chores or playing my little casino games. And in that respect, Bride of Pendorric was just the ticket: formulaic enough for me to follow along when I was not paying attention, dramatic enough to entertain me while I was washing the dishes.

As a novel, though: pretty bad. Victoria Holt was a formative influence on young-me, and it has been interesting to return to her books as an adult and say, Ahhh, okay, I can see why you were able to produce these books on such a Trollopean schedule! This is the first time I've read Bride of Pendorric, and it comes off as a weak remix of Rebecca. Holt apparently thinks: The problem with Rebecca is that the character of Rebecca never appears. This is not a problem with Rebecca, Victoria Holt! And you don't solve that non-problem by a) fusing Rebecca with Mrs. Danvers and b) making everyone else in the novel virtuous and good instead of being fucked-up little meow-meows. You've picked the least interesting approach to Rebecca fanfiction, Victoria Holt!

In conclusion: for all my gripes with Mary Stewart, she really runs effortless circles around Victoria Holt when it comes to mid-century "romantic suspense." And also, I am looking forward to rooting around for more dumb genre treasures in the recesses of the library's audiobook collection!
liam_on_linux: (Default)
Liam_on_Linux ([personal profile] liam_on_linux) wrote2025-09-18 05:12 pm
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The more recent history of DR GEM

A tech blogger called Nemanja Trifunovic posted an enjoyable article called the History of the GEM Desktop Environment.

It's a nice piece -- it's very good on the early history.
 
It does, however, totally omit much of the later development.
 
When Caldera released the source code, it also released the unfinished multitasking GEM/XM version.
 
Another version was X/GEM on FlexOS [PDF], DR's multitasking RTOS line, and at least some forms of UNIX.
 
DR FlexOS eventually evolved into IBM 4680 OS
 
And that evolved into IBM 4690 OS, later sold as Toshiba 4690 OS.
 
This supports a GUI, which I think is based on X/GEM -- as well as TCP/IP networking, app development in Java, and more. It was sold until about 10 years ago. 
 
I don't think I've ever seen a screenshot.
 
There have also been interesting later FOSS developments.
 
On the ST platform, TOS + GEM evolved in multiple directions. Some were proprietary, such as MagiC.
 
A FOSS one became MiNT, which is sometimes called FreeMINT.
 
This became the basis of TOS 4, so "Mint is Not TOS" was redefined to mean Mint is Now TOS.
 
There's a complete distro of FreeMINT with the TeraDesk multitasking desktop, called AFROS. It targets a FOSS ST emulator called ARANyM.
 
 
Some very minimal firmware to emulate just enough of TOS to boot the MINT replacement OS was developed, called EmuTOS.
 
This eventually grew into a very complete FOSS clone of TOS+GEM. It even supports some Amiga hardware now!
 
There's a 4min demo on Youtube
 
EmuTOS went from a stub ROM that just reproduced something analogous to the kernel of MS-DOS to a full graphical OS, using the PC GEM source code that Caldera made GPL.
 
So there is a lovely full circle here, where the ST version continued for years after Windows killed off the PC version, but then the PC version got open-sourced and was used to revive and modernise the ST version in the 21st century.

 
There's been a lot more GEM-related development in the last decade or two than you'd expect. This makes me happy. 

landofnowhere: (Default)
Alison ([personal profile] landofnowhere) wrote2025-09-17 07:51 pm

wednesday book about a Great Man

Gauss, Titan of Science by G. Waldo Dunnington, with additional material by Jeremy Gray. I mentioned in last week's post that during recent air travel I watched a movie with a dubiously historical version of Gauss and was entertained but ultimately would accept no substitutes for actual historical Gauss.

This is the biography of Carl Friedrich Gauss that I picked up off a university library shelf when I was 15, and made me go all swoony over Gauss's letter proposing to his first wife (link is to the original German manuscript). Returning to it with less swooniness and a more mature ability to evaluate historical sources, and also reading a new edition with helpful front matter, it's clear the book is not 100% "actual historical Gauss": it starts off with a version of the famous 5050 story, which is based on an anecdote that Gauss reportedly told about his childhood, but probably didn't happen exactly that way.

Indeed, as I learned from the front matter, G. Waldo Dunnington was a professional Gauss stan; one of his elementary school teachers was a great-granddaughter of Gauss, and learning that there was no Victorian Great Man biography of Gauss, he spent his entire academic career (interrupted by WWII) remedying that lack. Since I'm also a Gauss stan, I found the book generally readable if sometimes a bit repetitive, and enjoyed various fun Gauss facts. (In the department of obscure historical figures who ought to be fictionalized, there is Friedrich Ludwig Wachter, Gauss's student who studied non-Euclidean geometry and vanished without a trace at age 25.)

I'll probably do more Gauss reading (though also I now have an unproofread scan of Teresa by Edith Ayrton Zangwill so I may read that first); I've started with the letters online, but may also seek out other biographies. I continue to be fascinated by Gauss's youngest daughter, whose story would make a good historical romance; and having done some Gauss reading I'm starting to think I can actually write this fic.
ellerean: (Default)
ellerean ([personal profile] ellerean) wrote2025-09-17 02:56 pm
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Hello, and greetings

Hello, this is my first public entry on this journal!

Though I've (apparently) had DW for over a decade, it's largely been life-related rambling under lock & key. I've decided to open up a bit more, maybe use this space for varied other things. Truth is, I always liked having a journal. I received an email from LJ recently, for a journal that apparently still exists, for its 25th anniversary. I almost refuse to believe this, but yes, time passes, etc.

More personal items will still be restricted to my access list. But sporadic musings may appear publicly, and maybe some writing drabbles. Or I might have all these grand ideas and then abandon DW for three weeks like I usually do. It'll be a fun surprise!

If you're stumbled here at random, you may know me from Tumblr or Ao3 or Discord. Yes, I'm aware I don't have a consistent Internet handle anywhere, and it's entirely my own fault.
meningioma: (MGS - LOVEPACK)
nilla ([personal profile] meningioma) wrote2025-09-17 01:24 pm
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meningioma: (CUTE - piginhand)
nilla ([personal profile] meningioma) wrote2025-09-17 11:59 am
Entry tags:

Thinking

I want to hack my 3ds but I’m scared….
I have the easy one where I just have to put things on my sd card and scan the QR code… but I only have 32 gigs on mine. Maybe I ought to buy a 128 gb or 256gb one.
skygiants: Cha Song Joo and Lee Su Hyun from Capital Scandal taking aim at each other (baby shot you down)
skygiants ([personal profile] skygiants) wrote2025-09-16 09:20 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I liked the Korean movie Phantom (2023) enough that I decided to hunt down the novel on which it's based, Mai Jia's The Message -- in large part out of curiosity about whether it's also lesbians.

The answer: ... sort of! The lesbians are not technically textual but there's a bit of Lesbian Speculation and then a big pointed narrative hole where lesbians could potentially be. It is, however, without a doubt, Women Being Really Weird About Each Other, to the point where I'm considering it as a Yuletide fandom (perhaps even moreso than the movie, where the women are also weird about each other but in a more triumphant cinematic way and less of an ambiguous, psychologically complex and melancholic way. you know.)

The plot: well, as in the movie, there's a spy, and there's the Japanese Occupation, and there's a Big Haunted House where we're keeping all the possible spies to play mind games with until somebody fesses up. Because the book is set in 1941 China, there are actually three factions at play -- the Japanese and collaborators, the Communists and the Nationalists -- and for the whole first part of the book, fascinatingly enough, we are almost entirely in the head of the Japanese officer who's running the operation and choreographing all the mind games in an attempt to ferret out the Communist agent in his codebreaking division. The result is sort of a weird and almost darkly funny anti-heroic anti-Poirot situation, in which Hihara is constantly engineering increasingly complicated locked-room scenarios designed to get the spy to confess like the culprit in a Thin Man movie, and is constantly thwarted by his suspects inconveniently refusing to stick to the script, even when presented with apparently incontrovertible evidence, placed under torture, lied to about the deaths of other members of the party, etc. etc.

The suspects include several variously annoying men, plus two women whom we and everyone else are clearly intended to find the most interesting people there: quiet and competent Li Ningyu, cryptography division head, mother of two, whom everyone knows is semi-separated from an abusive husband, and who somehow manages to keep calmly slithering her way out of every accusation Hihara tries to stick on her; and her opposite, loud bratty chic Gu Xiaomeng, whom Hihara would very much like to rule out as a suspect as quickly as possible because she's the daughter of a very wealthy collaborator, and who seems moderately obsessed with her boss Li Ningyu For Some Reason.

Both book and movie spend, like, sixty percent of their length on this big house espionage mind games scenario and then abruptly take a left turn, with the next forty percent being Something Completely Different. In the film this left turn involves DRAMATIC ROMANTIC ACTION HEROICS!!!! so I was quite surprised to find that the book's left turn involves spoilers )
mrissa: (Default)
mrissa ([personal profile] mrissa) wrote2025-09-16 09:58 am
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Coming soon to a page or e-reader near you!

 Guess what I’ve been up to? Yes! It’s a novella! It’s the story of an ex-harpy, her harpy ex-girlfriend, and some extremely opinionated weaponry. Pastries! Operettas! Complicated friendships! All in one conveniently sized volume (or file)!

Seriously, very excited, friends.


 

mrissa: (Default)
mrissa ([personal profile] mrissa) wrote2025-09-16 06:53 am
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Books read, early September

 

Karen Babine, The Allure of Elsewhere: A Memoir of Going Solo. Babine's take on both camping and more generally living as a single woman is particularly interesting because she is very much not solo most of the time in this book--this is a book that is grappling with her roots, her family, and engaging with her current family. It paints a picture of a life that can be satisfying without fitting prior molds--and our demographics are such that there are a lot of tiny details that really resonated with me.

Angeline Boulley, Sisters in the Wind. This is the third YA thriller about Native issues in the US, centering around the same families and clusters of characters. Boulley is writing them to try to be stand-alone but interwoven, and I'd like to see how someone who hadn't read the earlier volumes felt about how well this succeeded. I did read the earlier volumes, and I felt like there was quite a lot of "here's an update on someone you already know" going on here, and like the balance of that with the narrative at hand was a bit off. I also think she's set herself a very hard task, because when the real life issues you're writing about genuinely produce people who behave like cartoon villains, you don't want to sanitize them into something more understandable, and yet then you're stuck with the people who behave like cartoon villains. It's a tough problem. So I still found this worth reading, but I felt like the earlier volumes were stronger in some ways.

A'Lelia Bundles, Joy Goddess: A'Lelia Walker and the Harlem Renaissance. I picked this up from the "new books" shelf in the library, and I fear it's one of those books where the author had a reasonably good bio of a famous ancestor in her, and she wrote that already (a bio of Madam C.J. Walker) and has gone on to what is clearly a labor of love writing about her famous ancestors but doesn't rise to be nearly as interesting to me as the events and subjects on the periphery of the book. Probably mostly recommended for people with a special interest in this era/location.

Martin Cahill, Audition for the Fox. My copy of this arrived early, but it's out now, I think? Interesting take on gods and their relationship with humanity, a fun fantasy novella.

Emilie A. Caspar, Just Following Orders: Atrocities and the Brain Science of Obedience. This is a fascinating book by a neuropsychologist who has not only done the more standard kind of campus studies into obedience and the variables that affect (or, apparently, in many cases do not affect) it but has also done a lot of interviews and various kinds of brain imaging (fMRI and EEG primarily) on groups of people who could reasonably be described as the foot soldiers of genocide in Cambodia and Rwanda. Caspar's willingness to admit which things she does not know is only one of the things I find refreshing about her work. She's also willing and able to engage with these interviewees on the subject of stopping either themselves or others from committing similar acts, what factors might be important there. This is not a book with all the answers but I'm really glad she's out there asking the questions.

Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Reread. The curious thing about this reread is that it's so smoothly written, it's such a pleasant and easy read, that it was startling to notice how little momentum this book has. Each chapter is a lovely reading experience if you like that sort of thing! (You've seen the number of 19th century novels I read. Of course I like that sort of thing.) But also each chapter is a conscious decision to have more of it, because there's very little of either plot or character pushing forward in any way.

Brandon Crilly, Castoff. Discussed elsewhere.

Sasha Debevec-McKenney, Joy Is My Middle Name. Only a handful of these poems really resonated with me, but the ones that did really resonated with me, which is an interesting experience to have of a poetry collection.

Georges Duby, France in the Middle Ages: 987-1460. This is largely about the evolutions of the concepts and theoretical bases of power in French society in this era, and was really interesting for the things it bothered to examine in that way--where and when and how the Roman Catholic church got involved in various life milestones, for example, generally later than one might think while living in a world so shaped by those processes that they may seem obvious. Worth having. Did not hate Philip Augustus enough but is that even possible.

Xochitl Gonzalez, Anita de Monte Laughs Last. I found this harrowing in places, because I am auntie age, so the story of young women making themselves smaller and less interesting for men has my auntie heart wailing "OH BABY NO DON'T DO IT" without, of course, being able to do one darn thing about it. Do they come through the other side from that behavior: well, what is the title, really, it's not a spoiler to say yes. More concretely: this is about a murdered (fictional) Latina artist in the 1980s and an art history student in the late 1990s putting the pieces together. Most of it is not about the putting the pieces together in any kind of thriller/mystery sense. If you're used to that pacing, this pacing will strike you as very weird. Mostly it's about the shapes of their lives. I liked it even when I was reading it between the cracks between my fingers.

Guy Gavriel Kay, Written on the Dark. I feel like the smaller scale of this bit of fantasized history doesn't serve his type of writing well--there's not the grand sweep, and he's not going to turn into a painter of miniatures at this stage of his career. I also--look, I know he's writing these things as fantasy, so he's allowed to change stuff, I just feel like if a character is still obviously Joan of Arc I'm allowed to disagree with his take on Joan of Arc, which I do, on basically every level. Ah well. If you like Kay books, this sure is one all the same.

T. Kingfisher, Hemlock and Silver. I was mildly disappointed in this one. The mirror magic was creepy, but the romance plot felt pro forma to me, some of the plot beats more obvious than a reinterpreted fairy tale novel would strictly require. Of course she can still write sentences, and this was still an incredibly quick read, it just won't make my Favorite T. Kingfisher Books Top Three.

Kelly Link, Magic for Beginners. Reread. This title could also have matched up with The Book of Love but definitely not, not, not vice versa. This is not a book of love. It's a book of disorientation and weirdness. Which I knew going in, but having been here before doesn't make it less like that.

Alec Nevala-Lee, Collisions: A Physicist's Journey from Hiroshima to the Death of the Dinosaurs. Look, I can't explain to you why Alec, who seems like a nice guy, has chosen a career path that could be described as "writing biographies of nerds Marissa would not want to have lunch with." But he does a good job of it, they're interesting books and manage to learn a lot about--even understand--their subjects without falling the least bit in love with their subjects. This one is Luis Alvarez. Did a lot of interesting things! Also I went into this book with the feeling that even an hour in his company would be more than I really wanted, and I did not come out of it with any particle of that opinion altered.

Lyndal Roper, Summer of Fire and Blood: The German Peasants' War. An account of a really interesting time, illuminating of things that came after, somewhat repetitive.

Vandana Singh, Ambiguity Machines and Other Stories. Reread. Yes, the stories here were also satisfyingly where I left them, science fictiony and vivid.

Travis Tomchuk, Transnational Radicals: Italian Anarchists in Canada and the US, 1915-1940. This is actually a book about Italian anarchists in Canada that recognizes that there was a lot of cross-border traffic, so it also looked at those parts of the US that directly affect Canada--Detroit-Windsor, for example. Lots of analysis on Italian immigrants' immigration experiences either as caused by or as causing their radicalism. Interesting stuff but probably not a good choice My First History of Early Twentieth Century Radicalism.

Natalie Wee, Beast at Every Threshold. It is not Wee's fault that I wanted more beasts. Poets are allowed to be metaphorical like that. I did want more beasts, but what is here instead is good being itself anyway.

Fran Wilde, A Catalog of Storms. This was my first reading of this collection but not my first reading of the vast majority of stories within it. This is the relief of a collection by someone whose work I enjoy, knowing that each of the stories will be reliably good and now I have them in one spot, hurrah, glad this is here.

hamsterwoman: (favorite book that I hate)
hamsterwoman ([personal profile] hamsterwoman) wrote2025-09-15 11:04 pm
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Worldcon part 5: Hugo Awards and assorted Hugo thoughts

Picking up the Worldcon write-up on Saturday, Aug 16 with the Hugo Awards Ceremony )

The Hugo stats (final ballot voting) came out the next day, but the nomination/long list stuff took much longer and was only recently released (as I understand it, because that work had been done by the PREVIOUS Hugo committee, which all resigned in protest of the ChatGPT kerfuffle, and a different team took over) after the finalists were announced. Links to everything

Hugo stats nattering )
jaggedwolf: (Default)
jaggedwolf ([personal profile] jaggedwolf) wrote2025-09-16 12:42 am
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Reading Update

Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams

Like. What do I even say. This entire book was wild from start to finish. I kept sending excerpts of it to my friends to go ??? over.

Read more... )

The Crucible by Arthur Miller

Previous Arthur Miller knowledge: That episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (4x22 Restless) where Willow gets stuck in Death of A Salesman, CTRL-Fing through All My Sons for the Researcher’s First Murder puzzle and....incorrectly thinking Evelyn Miller in Red Dead Redemption 2 was a reference to him until this very moment when I’ve googled and learned that he’s actually a Thoreau reference and yeah, that makes way more sense timeline-wise.

None of that is relevant to this play, which I read the Saturday before I watched John Proctor Is The Villain because I love giving myself homework.

It was enjoyable enough a read, though I felt no great compulsion to watch a production afterwards. The most compelling scenes were where John Proctor and his wife are tricked into condemning each other while trying to protect each other, and that very end of the play where he decides not to lie. Though a part of me still went damn bro just stay alive and provide for your pregnant wife, wtf is she supposed to do now.

Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins

A weaker read than the original trilogy and the Snow book, but still a fun time. And look, I gotta respect the author for going yes, you will read the entirety of a long-ass Poe poem in my epilogue as we catch up Haymitch all the way through the lonely years ahead of him.

There’s two things that make Haymitch’s tale less appealing to me than Katniss’s or Snow’s. First is the PoV. I like Haymitch. He’s fine. The point of him is that he is a regular teenage dude. But for me the appeal of Katniss and Snow is the specific ways they’re deranged, the ways they feel utterly alien to their societies even as they are stuck being a part of them, and how they are often blind to even their own motivations. Haymitch is...well, I’d have a drink with him over the other two, but I wasn’t as hooked by him.

Read more... )

mrissa: (Default)
mrissa ([personal profile] mrissa) wrote2025-09-15 01:08 pm
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For your listening pleasure

 Here's a video of me reading my own poetry for the first time, with SFWA's Speculative Poetry Open Mic. I have not listened to it because I cannot bear listening to myself, but I have hopes that other people feel differently about it....
meningioma: (MGS - LOVEPACK)
nilla ([personal profile] meningioma) wrote2025-09-15 11:29 am
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kradeelav: Dr. Kiriko (amused)
krad ([personal profile] kradeelav) wrote2025-09-15 11:20 am
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(no subject)

really funny i use the few social media i do these days exactly how i treated various functions of deviantart

dA inbox: discord & email, check every few days

dA gallery: bsky with all notifications turned off except for replies + only-photos/artwork/media-seen (and comment on a handful of those), tumblr.

dA portfolio: fancy purdy kradeelav.com stuff ~

dA journal: this, once in a blue moon. :D 

dA really was the proto-social media in so, so many ways.
wolffyluna: A green unicorn holding her tail in her mouth (Default)
wolffyluna ([personal profile] wolffyluna) wrote2025-09-15 07:57 am

(no subject)

[Tourist voice] I'm in.

San Francisco, to be precise. On the off chance anyone reading this is there, feel free to ask to meet up.

Also, achievement unlocked: mildly confuse CBP officer. I'm sorry sir, I am as confused as you are. (I have a visa and an electronic travel authorisation. Apparently you don't need both!)